i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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