those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
