saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
