3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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