check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
