but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
