this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
