do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
