Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
