3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You're like the curious george of whores
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
