I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
