Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
