Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
