my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
