how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
