Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
