She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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