i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
