cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
