the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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