Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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