Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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