god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
