I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
