fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
