Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
