Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
