This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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