a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
