It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
