I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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