I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
