just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
