based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
