bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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