Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
