I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You need a sexual gate keeper
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
