girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize