trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
