dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
