it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
