Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
