you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
