How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
not ubering you a puppy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
