just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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