what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
