Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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