drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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