k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
