So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
