he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
