and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
