I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
