Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize