I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
