Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Randomize
