I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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