I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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