I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
