Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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