there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
