There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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