WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
