Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
