Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just tell him i said nine months
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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