I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
His nipple licking is glorious
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