I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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