I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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