i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
